Friday 28 August 2009

Carlsberg.. how to increase Sales.

Dear Carlsberg,
We were distressed to read this bit of news this morning CARLSBERG PROFITS DOWN 22% and this is inspite of our unwavering and fervent efforts supporting the Golden Brew during Friday nights at Restoran Kor Kee in PJ Old Town (behind the decrepit bus terminal). We feel that even though you have a beer that beats the "others" pants down, you have not done enough to protect and increase your market share. We are sorely disappointed with your marketing team. In order to prevent further slide in your profits and to push Carlsberg to the Winner's pedestal, which it deserves, we humbly suggest the following:
  • Increase your efforts to prevent the "Import" of foreign beer which, in spite of heavy duty, is selling cheaper than Carlsberg. A few examples of the foreign beers:.... Kingfisher Strong, Bavaria, Hollandia, Roberts Stout, San Miguel, Blue Ice, etc etc.
  • Petition the Government and the Local Authorities under the Human Rights Freedom of Action principle, that Malaysians must be allowed to drink any brand of beer in coffee shops and the 'dirty' restaurants. Limiting the shops to sell (God Forbid) Tiger and Heineken is a breach of our constitutional rights. Talk to the Chinese coffee shops and dirty restaurants that it is to their benefit to provide more choices of beer, as that would naturally attract more dinner crazy customers
  • Finally, and this is the most important suggestion; we do think you should employ lady promoters to push Carlsberg, more frequently, and most essential, send them to Restoran Kor kee on Fridays... Preferably filipinas, as they understand how we feel

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